The Impact of Anita

Posted on July 14, 2009

My dear Mother, Anita, passed away two months ago. I was with her and some of my siblings in Florida when it happened. Was it difficult? Yes, but it was also a remarkable experience and life-changing.

Our ordeal started that Wednesday night seeing Mom on a ventilator at St. Anthony’s Hospital. We finally got her off the ventilator on Saturday. She was breathing on her own, but her heart had been damaged and after two and half years in a nursing home, she was tired and ready to go and see her husband and son in heaven.

But, keeping her on the ventilator had given us a reprieve – we all had a chance to say goodbye and tell her we loved her. She told us she loved us too and tried to smile. My sister and I cancelled our flights home because we thought it would be any day for her death.

I had now been in Florida for eight days. I had said goodbye to Mom and reminisced with my family. We had lots of family dinners and conversations; laughed and cried, although I still had not cried very much. We’re a pretty quirky family (isn’t every big family?) and we can get on each others’ nerves. But, for some reason, we were very good to each other, understanding it was really hard on some of us more than others.

On Thursday morning, the hospice nurses visited and we asked how Mom was doing? Well, she’s still hanging in there. They told us it could be today or days. Frankly, we were not happy. My brother and one of my sisters went back to work. A couple of my sisters and I had our nails done and rented a movie—the Secret life of Bees, which I suggested.

That movie was the turning point for me. It was about strong women and the Virgin Mary. Didn’t I remember that I had given the book to Mom because it screamed Anita? She was crazy about the Blessed Virgin Mary.

I finally let go. I could not stop crying. I cried even more when my sister came over and gave me the prayer of St. Theresa that her teacher friend had given her. One of the lines was especially poignant for me—“you are where you are supposed to be”. So, I cried and was sad and was in it for the long haul. I didn’t care how long it took but I was going to be here keeping vigil with Mom.

At 9:30 that night, we were sitting around the bed. Mom was breathing as if she was sleeping. I felt drawn to her and just laid my head on her shoulders and rested with her. She stopped breathing while I was holding her and passed to the spirit world to see Dad and my brother, Paul. In that moment, she had given me the most remarkable gift of my life. She taught me so many lessons in dying. She taught me and all seven of my siblings about our priorities and the importance of family. She taught me to stop trying to control every situation. I needed to let go, get in the moment, have faith and take in her love, which I finally did.

So, you might be wondering what this has to do with my job or Virginia Supportive Housing. While we are struggling in this economic crisis, I am so mindful about what really is important. Non-profits need to be good to each other and collaborate. As my family stuck together and made it through that difficult time, we can make it if we work together.

Equally important, if not more so, is our mission and the people we serve. If I focus my efforts on why we are doing what we do, everything will work out alright. I cannot control the economy or the fact that funding is tight, but I can work with a passion and love that Anita taught me. I can see the effects of our housing and services on our most vulnerable populations and know that we are doing good.

So, let’s work together and remember why we’re here in the first place.<-->